Sunday, September 30, 2012

Another Look at Olympia

It has been a long but good day and we head to our third and final stop in Olympia Washington put together by the family of Lindsay Baum. Each stop on the tour is different and has it's own uniqueness about it, and each stop always has me reflecting on the person or persons this event is about. That reflection time for me is always filled with prayer and the hope that these family and friends will get resolution, the answers they need and are able to bring home their missing loved one. They are moments that literally make me stop and take in all that is before me, they are moments that remind me of why I am on this tour and all that means to me.

The sun was setting over a beautiful lake and the candles were lit brightly around it's perimeter. The tables were set up with many posters and flyers of those missing and many family and friends turned up for support. As I walked around taking pictures I listened as so many families spoke to others about their missing person and the circumstances, most if not all through tears. I know the statistics and I have met so many families who have a missing person, yet it still just blows my mind when I see it in this very "real" way. It's heartbreaking and once again I am reminded that each of us has a role in this, that there is something we can do!

Before the balloon release we gather in a circle in front of the lake and Lindsay's mom invites all the other families there to share their stories. One family after another comes forward and shares their hearts, personal, informal and oh so real. Families reaching out and supporting other families, becoming families themselves because of this tragic bond that has brought them together.

 I notice that many passing through the park stop to listen and hear what is going on. I am sure that if they really listened they are walking away changed, and with a new awareness. I hope that the next time these people see a flyer or poster of a missing person that they won't just blow by it or not look at all. I hope they will take the time to read it and hopefully share it. Maybe some will come away so moved that they will offer their help in any way they can to a family or an Organization like CUE who always needs good volunteers.

It is never easy listening to those speak who have a missing loved one and it always impacts me. Tonight in particular I was struck by how young so many of those missing are and I am thinking of my own children at home, how could I not. I am struck as well by a young girl, the daughter of 21 year old Alyssa Mclemore who is missing. Alyssa's sister is speaking and all I see is her daughter, who is growing up without her mother. I see my sister Allison's daughters, for me it becomes a complete circle.

As we join in a large circle to release the balloons a prayer is said and manycall out the nameof their missing loved one.  As we watch the balloons head up into the night, I know what I am thinking and I wonder what those around me are, I am sure most of our thoughts are the same. I say another prayer.

We prepare to leave and head on to the next stop tomorrow. I know a million emotions and feelings are going through these families right now and all who attend this event. As we hug goodbye that same sense of hope and love sweeps over me as it has before and I know that these efforts and nights like tonight are never in vain. I am blessed to be here tonight and to "just be" with these families who endure so much, I leave this stop once again a little different.
Lisa Valentino

Saturday, September 29, 2012

Burlington, Washington

The rally stop for Patti Krieger was held outside of a Tire store, with friends and family lined up along the road holding up signs and posters for passing motorists to see. I've participated in events like this, when we hold our "Cars Held Hostage" campaign protests, but I don't recall seeing it used on the tour  before. As we pull into the lot the first sign I encounter boldly states in capital letters "STILL MISSING".

Patti was 65 years old when she vanished from Sauk Mountain on 10-2-10. An inexperienced hiker, she was there with 5 other people and her dog to scatter the ashes of her then boyfriend's deceased parents. The individuals on the mountain with her state that she became emotional after the ceremony and wondered off alone with her Rottweiler. The group believed that the trail she had taken would reconnect with the trail that they were on but Patti was never seen again. All her personal effects were with the group and it is unclear if she had any personal belongings in her possession went she disappeared. Search and rescue teams were immediately dispatched but no clues to Patti's whereabouts were ever found. About a month later her underweight and malnourished dog was found near the mountain.

Before embarking on the tour, I start a notebook, and research all the missing and the circumstances of their disappearance. It only gives me a small snapshot of the person but it's just supposed to be a starting point. At rally's, I enjoy talking to the families and learning all about their missing loved one. Sometimes it's stories of their lives and what kind of person they are, other times it's stories about their disappearance. On one side I know from first hand experience that families have knowledge, that they know their missing person the best, and that their thoughts and opinions should be taken seriously. I've also seen the other side, though, when someone close looks guilty for a variety of reasons and then it turns out they had nothing to do with it..I understand this family's reasoning, and hope that they can get resolution. Patti's son, Alan Patterson, has been upfront in his opinions and in  expressing his desire for answers. Her brother and sister have also been vocal with their frustrations. It's been close to 2 years, they want peace, they want clues, they want Patti...

Ruth Sine was also at this rally stop, her son Bobby went missing 2-6-12. He is 18 years old...  Another of those cases closest to my heart, another fresh case, another mother in the early stages of the missing. Bobby was last seen near the riverfront and boardwalk by the Skagit River in Mount Vernon. Ruth commented that you can never understand or "Get it", until it happens to you... about passing his empty bedroom night after night..Her grief reaches into my soul...


Friday, September 28, 2012

Rally Stop Vancouver, Washington

When pulling up to the high school Jamie once attended just before she disappeared I felt a sadness, reminded of a young girl who never got the chance to graduate, a young girl who never had a life past her teen years. There, her sister and friends waiting for someone to reach out and care. You think back to so many years she has been gone, some may even ask why would anyone continue their search for a missing loved one all the years later? Well, fortunately anyone who wants to ask that question, does not get that right too, because only then would it be obvious they have not lost anyone in that manner.

We looked at old pictures, and viewed a few items found on a crime scene years ago when a recovery took place of two teen bodies in the mountain woods, some of Jamie's personal items were in the collection; but they never found her. I wonder, hell not wonder but question very hard on that matter, did they search hard enough, long enough? She has to still be out there, my plan is to get a renewed search for this case, I am convinced she is still there and maybe even more may be there. Many cases around the country, never enough resources to aid them all, so this takes time.

I am reminded of all the years families of the missing endure waiting! Days that drag on and on, while the world is busy zooming by with barely a care or notice of anything wrong, a world not affected by a missing person. It is hard to get most people really involved in a missing person case, now a days if a new case comes up people want to share the story, blog their opinions, make a poster.....but down here on the ground floor where I am daily, help? Not so much, other than those who search with us, the unnoticed dedication of trained volunteers.

A wonderful lady shows up carrying flowers of bright color, it reminds me of back in the day colors, when I think things were a little more carefree...at least for me anyway. We took the pedals from those flowers and in a ceremony sprinkled them all around the sign of the school, we signed a guest book while her sister shared stories and walked down memory lane for some time. I recall thinking the love between sisters is really unmeasurable in most families and I was proud Jamie had a sister like that, still fighting the fight for her, loving her with no time lapse.

When I see families like this with years of living in the unknown for so long I know the world problems that arise are just not that important today. I am reminded of myself as a teen, and the darkness of the reality... this could have been me. I leave with a humble heart.

Monica Caison

Thursday, September 27, 2012

Olympia, Washington

Nighttime rally stops tend to take my breathe away, and tonight is no different. We arrive at a park next to a lake just as the sun begins to set. There are an uncountable amount of lit candles everywhere, all along the perimeter of the lake, and on all the tables; so many tables, and they are all loaded with missing person posters, flyers, buttons, and giveaways. As I begin to carry our things and set up our table I am already anxious, anticipating a highly charged  vigil... Most of the missing person's being honored tonight are children; young children, teens, and young adults. The group gathered includes many children, schoolmates of the missing, siblings of the missing, children of the missing, and of course parents and relatives of the missing. Often it takes events like these to remember all the children that are left behind when someone goes missing. We may hear they had children or young siblings, but often we only see the adults who take the family representative role in speaking out.  

Tonight's rally was organized by the family of Lindsey Baum. She was 10 years old when she went missing from the small town of McCleary on 6-29-09. She was walking home from a friend's home, a route she knew well and walked often. A short walk down a densely populated suburban street. On this evening, however, she never arrived home. I meet many members of her family, and some of her friends. 12 or 13 year old children who have experienced a  tragic occurrence that many adults cannot even fathom. What must they think? How can they comprehend a friend their age vanishing? Do they cling to their parents? Do they worry about disappearing themselves?

Lindsey's mother speaks first and then encourages the other families to share their stories. We hear from the family of Teekah Lewis. Teekah was only 2 years old when she disappeared from Tacoma on 1-23-99. A shy toddler who was frightened of strangers, Teekah was abducted from a local bowling alley where she had been on a normal family outing. I glance down at Teekah's flyer, it shows her age progression to 14 years. I cannot even imagine how this family feels, and I was a mother of a missing child. The family of Alyssa McLemore share the story of a 21 year old young woman who went missing from Kent on 4-9-09. Alyssa lived with her grandmother and dying mother. She had called to say she was on her way home, she never made it. Her mother passed away 3 days later. One day after her disappearance a 911 call was placed from her cell phone. The female caller asked for help and then the line went dead. The authorities were unable to get a location of the caller, although they do believe it originated in the Kent area. Alyssa had a  3 year old daughter at the time , I meet this now 6 year old beautiful child, along with Alyssa's sister, who told me Alyssa  never would have left her daughter. Danica Childs vanished on 12-21-07, also from the Kent area. She was 17 years old at the time of her disappearance and left her cell phone, purse, and coat never to be seen again. Another family's pain readily on display. Christopher Virdell went missing on 2-19-12. He is 18 years old and was last seen leaving a friends house to catch a bus to work. I had met his mother when I first arrived, immediately identifying the raw emotion of someone to whom this is all so new. Fresh to the missing person's world, unsure of so many things. It breaks my heart to know that she may become more like the rest of us, comfortable in this type of setting. Of course I gravitated right to her, as I always do to mom's of missing teenaged boys...

After the balloon release we steered the families to our banner so that they could all sign it. This is the first time since I've been on the tour that we have done this. At previous stops we directed the family members to sign along the edges in the border area. However, this was a large group so we just started handing out markers. In the dark, we just let them at the banner without any direction. As we watched most found the faces of their missing loved one and wrote heart-wrenching pleas and love yous....
Elisa Stirling

Tuesday, September 25, 2012

Another Look at Bellingham

Over the past six years since Allison went missing and was then recovered many have come into my life who have become like family, many whom I feel a special bond with; Kara Roberts is one of those people. Perhaps it is because she was one of the first people I spent time with on this journey who had a missing person. I recall meeting Kara for the first time as she came to help and support me at a press conference for Allison in Raleigh NC.  Maybe it's all that and the fact that she too had a younger sister missing and became the voice for Leah as I did for Allison. Whatever it is I feel honored to be here today at this rally stop and press conference, honored to come to Washington state and hear Leah's story again, actually seeing where it all took place and seeing the roots of this Road Tour that helps so many in Leah's name.

We travel with the detective on Leah's case to have a look at Leah's vehicle, which was difficult and then we leave him and travel up to the mountain where the vehicle was found. Twelve years later the search for answers and resolution continues. Kara's journey and search for answers has been much longer than mine was. I know that the not knowing, the living in limbo is the hardest part. As the detective on her case said this morning; "It is chronic sorrow." and that is the part that so many do not  
understand, you live with it everyday and it is a part of who you are. Your life is forever different and you find a way to live differently.

As we sit in the sheriff's office prior to the press conference outside the Whatcom County Court House meeting with law enforcement I replay a similar scene in my own mind with me where Kara sits and all the law enforcement on Allison's case. Kara  is here again asking questions and making sure she understands all that there is on Leah's case and discussing in detail all that is going on. She gives more information to her law enforcement team on who Leah is. It is extremely difficult living in another state from where your loved one went missing especially one so far away. Today is almost like reliving it all over again from the beginning, it's always right there and fresh and Kara knows this needs to be done.

We head out to the press conference and again all these years later it must seem so surreal, like  you are living in some bad movie or having a bad dream. No one should have to live not knowing where their loved one is, yet the reality is far too many do.

As I listen to Kara speak I am moved as I always am when families share their hearts. More than that I am impressed, impressed by her dedication and resolve to see all of this through until there is resolution, impressed because through Leah and her story so many others are being helped and getting much needed attention. I get the sense that Kara feels the way I and so many other families of the missing do; if Leah's case and story and Kara's journey helps someone else who walks in these shoes, then there is grace in that.

Kara is so thankful to CUE and all of us for being here, but the thanks really belong to her, it is her hardwork and dedication and commitment that has brought all of us here today. I feel  blessed to know her and I know that wherever Leah is she too feels that unending love and determination of a sister who will never give up and who leaves this world a better place by who she is and what she does in Leah's name for others on the same path. 

We get in the van to begin the long drive to the next stop and I say a prayer for Leah and Kara, my heart is full.
Lisa Valentino 



Another Look at Vancouver

On to the next stop, Vancouver Washington. We arrive and are met by Starr Lara, Jamie Grissim's sister. You can feel in her hug how grateful she is that we are here. Once again that experience of someone else cares and I am not alone in this.

Looking at old photographs and mementos and holding this rally stop at the high school Jamie went to many thoughts begin running through my head. All of the whys and what if's and how comes. You begin to think about all the times you never got to have with your loved one and all the memories that never got made. Starr and Jamie had a difficult life to start with and then suddenly your sister is gone and you are left to go at it alone. You can see and feel that Starr lives with the pain of not having her sister Jamie daily. We talk a bit about this and she tells me; "I think about Jamie every day." Even forty one years later.

These feelings and emotions are not just something that dissipate and go away over the years. These are real people and real lives we are talking about and there is no "neat"way to tie everything all up and make it better or OK. We don't forget because we can't and we shouldn't. The statement; "Every missing person is someone's loved one" never rang truer and everyone who has been a part of this Road Tour definitely feels that and knows it to be true.

We all take some flower petals of many different colors and head over to the high school sign to let the wind take them and to share some thoughts and prayer. It is a beautiful sight and a nice way to remember Jamie.

As we pack to leave there is always a sense of needing more time or not wanting this time to end.  Every journey is always easier when you have support and know that you do not travel alone. Even though it is time for us to go, we are not gone. We, CUE is always here and I leave knowing these families get that.
Lisa Valentino

Rally Stop Salem, Oregon

Today is the honoree stop, we keep in tradition of the tour, Kerry Johnson. We chose her this year because her case has never received any press or attention to speak of and it went cold pretty fast. That is what the tour is about, a renewed hope, but more importantly to highlight those who have not been recognized by the media or have fallen from the headline at any level. I call cases like this one "the Lifer's" because they have been handed a life sentence of punishment, but have not committed a crime. I started another blog a few months ago just for that purpose and have personally written many cases to be included over the last seven years we have. It becomes so over whelming that it has been hard to start entering the many cases.

It was nice to have Michelle as a state director at this stop, she worked very hard on every detail to make the event special and it showed. Family members came in from various areas and some a great distance, it makes you think back to all the years her loved ones have gone without case movement and dangling in an unknown state of their loved ones whereabouts. Their are so many like her, it leaves you on most days wondering and shaking your head. It instills a determination to work even harder to find some truth; you see that is what these cases lack, a determined investigation commitment to find the truth.

I sat watching the public wander up for additional information, speaking with the family who sat in a line of chairs, while music from the past played in the background. I watched the family in a relaxed mode enjoying the entire day and just being together, listening at one point on how much they missed her as they share stories of her. Kerry would have never gone all this time without contacting someone.

I think to myself of how the times were back then and question myself if she was a victim of some serial killer, because she did hitch hike, she lived carefree as many young people did, and sadden by the realization of no real ground to begin to search for her. Soon speaking with the family I am renewed with hope as we develop new goals for the case and have a plan to move forward,

It truly was a good day! I left eager to begin.....

Monica Caison