We arrive at our next stop in Mendocino California after traveling through the beautiful northern California coastline. The Pacific Ocean is the setting for this stop honoring Kathy LaMadrid and David Neily, the setting and scene so very different from yesterday's stop yet hauntingly the same in so many ways.
While every missing persons story is different; what happened before that life changing day and what has happened since, the story and circumstances ever evolving and changing, that level of longing and that feeling of loss is the same for all.
As Shelli LaMadrid begins to speak I see the word hope standing up on the table behind her and I know that is what keeps her going. She has taken all this on in a most proactive way and listening to her speak it is clear she will not stop until their is resolution and answers. Shelli's perseverance has been unwavering since Kathy disappeared in 2004 and that is clear in what she does for others in the world of the missing. I am drawn in and feel as if I know Kathy as Shelli speaks about her and her big heart and fun loving ways. As I stand listening to Shelli I hear voices within myself asking how do you continue to do what you do for your sister all these years later? The answer is the same for me as for Shelli; it is love and very simply how could I not?
Ryan Neily gets up and begins to share the story of his father and himself. Getting the word out for for this family has been extremely difficult and listening to Ryan speak you can hear that the pain
is as fresh today as when his dad went missing in 2006. Suspicious circumstances surround his disappearance and all that weighs heavy on his family. I hear Ryan say that he wonders what he could have done differently, what if his father had listened to him? It is then that I remember my own feelings of guilt in Allison's case and my constant asking what if? I think many of us on this journey feel the same way. That is why the events of this Road Tour are so important to be a part of, they help us to see that we are not alone in our thoughts and feelings.
I continue to be amazed at how just simply showing up for a family makes a huge difference. It really is just that simple, showing someone you care and have not forgotten goes a long way. I have always believed that actions speak louder than words and that is exactly what this Tour is about.....Action, being proactive and not giving up.
I leave this stop a little different than when I arrived, how could I not, how could anybody not? Back on the van and on to the next stop and I know that these people I meet and the stories of their missing loved ones will stay with me and continue to impact my life.
Lisa Valentino
Sunday, September 23, 2012
Saturday, September 22, 2012
Mendocino, California
We had arrived so late the night before that we didn't even notice how beautiful this tourist town on the northern California Pacific coast was until morning. Luckily, we were up early and had some time to explore the area before the event. Plus eat our third meal in a row at Denny's, which made no one happy, I may not eat eggs again on this trip.
The rally was held in the courtyard of a church with a breathtaking view, and was in honor of 2 missing persons, Kathy LaMadrid and David Neily. Kathy was 40 when she went missing from Fort Bragg on 12-17-04. Search efforts in her case have been difficult as there are many possibilities in her disappearance. Part of our morning was spent attempting to narrow the focus on the many stories and rumors that surround that day she was last seen crossing a local bridge. Hopefully today's stop will bring some renewed interest, it has already sparked some new media attention. Hopefully it will bring to light some new information. David was 69 when he disappeared from Westport on 4-14-06. He was last seen at a horse ranch owned by an individual that he had an adversarial relationship with, and neighbors have reported hearing shots fired that night. Similarities exist between his case and that of another missing man, JC Cavanaugh. There is also known animosity between JC and the property owner and he was also last seen at the same location a year prior.
Shelli LaMadrid shared some of Kathy's life and story with those present. She said "Someone important to me disappeared and it changed my life..."; "In the course of dealing with the devastation of that experience, I developed a vision...To assist any family with a missing loved one..As I stand here today I'm watching my vision come to fruition" and "Everyone-every person is some one's child. Everyone deserves a chance to come home". Shelli is now the member of a Search and Rescue team. She is like so many of us, trying to take our experience and use it to help other families. Becoming involved with missing persons organizations, volunteering, networking, trying to make this journey easier for incoming families. Trying to find some purpose for why she was thrown into this nightmare world. It was evident though that even though she is attempting to channel her pain it is still raw for her.
Ryan Neily is sure he knows what happened to his father. He spoke of his frustrations with the investigation. Of finding his father's dog locked in in his truck on that day 6 years ago, how his father would never leave his dog behind. Of knowing where his father must be but being unable to bring him home. His sister Lisa, who was unable to attend, sent a statement in which she wrote "Our goal with this rally is to get the word out about our dad..." and " ...Deserves to be found just like every other missing person. Someone knows something...It's a full time job when you are searching for a loved one who has gone missing". Reminds me so much about my experience searching for Mathew. I knew where Matt was from that first day when he did not come home. I know firsthand the frustration in knowing precisely where your missing loved one is and still not being able to get to them, to bring them home. At least in Mathew's case I was searching mainly on public property and I could continue searching as long and as many times as was needed until I got resolution. David is most likely on the property of the person responsible for his disappearance making searching impossible without a warrant. I know way too many families in this situation. Perpetrators holding onto property to ensure that their victims are never found. An older woman rose to speak about David, she had been his girlfriend in high school in the 1950's. She had travelled to make this event, it being important to her, he being important to her. It's astounding the collateral damage that occurs when someone goes missing.
On a positive note, the local Lieutenant not only attended the rally, making time to talk to all involved, but also spoke. The rally closed with prayers for resolution and a candle lighting ceremony. As always it was difficult to leave. As always we ended up staying much later than we should have. As always we remained long after packing up. As always one of us had to go over and gently pull Monica away from the families. But, as always we needed to get back on the road.
Elisa Stirling
The rally was held in the courtyard of a church with a breathtaking view, and was in honor of 2 missing persons, Kathy LaMadrid and David Neily. Kathy was 40 when she went missing from Fort Bragg on 12-17-04. Search efforts in her case have been difficult as there are many possibilities in her disappearance. Part of our morning was spent attempting to narrow the focus on the many stories and rumors that surround that day she was last seen crossing a local bridge. Hopefully today's stop will bring some renewed interest, it has already sparked some new media attention. Hopefully it will bring to light some new information. David was 69 when he disappeared from Westport on 4-14-06. He was last seen at a horse ranch owned by an individual that he had an adversarial relationship with, and neighbors have reported hearing shots fired that night. Similarities exist between his case and that of another missing man, JC Cavanaugh. There is also known animosity between JC and the property owner and he was also last seen at the same location a year prior.
Shelli LaMadrid shared some of Kathy's life and story with those present. She said "Someone important to me disappeared and it changed my life..."; "In the course of dealing with the devastation of that experience, I developed a vision...To assist any family with a missing loved one..As I stand here today I'm watching my vision come to fruition" and "Everyone-every person is some one's child. Everyone deserves a chance to come home". Shelli is now the member of a Search and Rescue team. She is like so many of us, trying to take our experience and use it to help other families. Becoming involved with missing persons organizations, volunteering, networking, trying to make this journey easier for incoming families. Trying to find some purpose for why she was thrown into this nightmare world. It was evident though that even though she is attempting to channel her pain it is still raw for her.
Ryan Neily is sure he knows what happened to his father. He spoke of his frustrations with the investigation. Of finding his father's dog locked in in his truck on that day 6 years ago, how his father would never leave his dog behind. Of knowing where his father must be but being unable to bring him home. His sister Lisa, who was unable to attend, sent a statement in which she wrote "Our goal with this rally is to get the word out about our dad..." and " ...Deserves to be found just like every other missing person. Someone knows something...It's a full time job when you are searching for a loved one who has gone missing". Reminds me so much about my experience searching for Mathew. I knew where Matt was from that first day when he did not come home. I know firsthand the frustration in knowing precisely where your missing loved one is and still not being able to get to them, to bring them home. At least in Mathew's case I was searching mainly on public property and I could continue searching as long and as many times as was needed until I got resolution. David is most likely on the property of the person responsible for his disappearance making searching impossible without a warrant. I know way too many families in this situation. Perpetrators holding onto property to ensure that their victims are never found. An older woman rose to speak about David, she had been his girlfriend in high school in the 1950's. She had travelled to make this event, it being important to her, he being important to her. It's astounding the collateral damage that occurs when someone goes missing.
On a positive note, the local Lieutenant not only attended the rally, making time to talk to all involved, but also spoke. The rally closed with prayers for resolution and a candle lighting ceremony. As always it was difficult to leave. As always we ended up staying much later than we should have. As always we remained long after packing up. As always one of us had to go over and gently pull Monica away from the families. But, as always we needed to get back on the road.
Elisa Stirling
Another Look at Los Angeles
The scene is the Los Angeles County Court House, out front there are people gathering along with banners, posters, family photographs and a family who five years later are still seeking resolution and justice for their daughter Donna Jou. This is another step on this journey that has become their lives. The pain, anguish and loss just as fresh today as it was five years ago.
You can see it in their faces and hear it in their voices; their emotions running high and their loss so deep that they cry out. The answers they seek seem so simple; "Where is our daughter?" "How could the justice system fail us and others so miserably?" As I watch and listen to all that is unfolding I too feel their frustration, anger and disappointment. I feel their pain and anguish over the loss of their daughter and my heart breaks for them. I feel a connection, one that I have experienced many times over these last six years with other families who have a missing loved one. I am reminded and begin to understand the importance of a rally stop like this and the importance of this Road Tour.
The Tour is meant to bring awareness and media attention to these cold cases, bringing the stories and lives of those missing front and center once again in hopes of gaining new information and answers. To the families however there is another side that is just as important. This tour and these rally stops bring hope, encourage families and let them know they are not forgotten and that someone does care and is there for them as they continue this journey. It enables parents like Donna Jou's to continue fighting, searching and persevering to get the answers they seek.
I am moved by the courage and strength of this family as they continue on this journey not only for their daughter, but for those who come after as well, hoping and praying that their fight will prevent this from happening to someone else.
I am inspired by them and the many families I know who never give up, whose faith, compassion, commitment and love inspire me to do more. I am renewed and filled with hope knowing that in the end love always overcomes evil, and reminded as well that each one of us was created to be the answer to some one's prayer!
Lisa Valentino
You can see it in their faces and hear it in their voices; their emotions running high and their loss so deep that they cry out. The answers they seek seem so simple; "Where is our daughter?" "How could the justice system fail us and others so miserably?" As I watch and listen to all that is unfolding I too feel their frustration, anger and disappointment. I feel their pain and anguish over the loss of their daughter and my heart breaks for them. I feel a connection, one that I have experienced many times over these last six years with other families who have a missing loved one. I am reminded and begin to understand the importance of a rally stop like this and the importance of this Road Tour.
The Tour is meant to bring awareness and media attention to these cold cases, bringing the stories and lives of those missing front and center once again in hopes of gaining new information and answers. To the families however there is another side that is just as important. This tour and these rally stops bring hope, encourage families and let them know they are not forgotten and that someone does care and is there for them as they continue this journey. It enables parents like Donna Jou's to continue fighting, searching and persevering to get the answers they seek.
I am moved by the courage and strength of this family as they continue on this journey not only for their daughter, but for those who come after as well, hoping and praying that their fight will prevent this from happening to someone else.
I am inspired by them and the many families I know who never give up, whose faith, compassion, commitment and love inspire me to do more. I am renewed and filled with hope knowing that in the end love always overcomes evil, and reminded as well that each one of us was created to be the answer to some one's prayer!
Lisa Valentino
Rally Stop Los Angeles, California
Excited about being the first stop of the tour and always ready to see those you have known so long we set out to the court house. Upon arrival Donna's parents greeting us before we could fully get out of the vehicle, they were so grateful and excited the road tour had finally arrived. The street side walk was lined with signs crying out with pleas from the ones who love Donna Jou in an effort to seek justice, in the middle of it all their was a large banner with the picture of Donna and her missing information displayed. I stopped briefly and take in a large breathe of air, fighting back any emotion of the years of pain I personally know that this family has endured, allowing a flood of memories to enter of different moments I have shared with several loved ones of Donna including her parents.
Immediately we go into action setting up other tour displays and distributing press kits and information. After the press conference and interviews are complete we move to the center flooring of the court house square to release the balloons, a few words from spoken, a very nice heartfelt prayer, we launch the balloons, up and away they go, some did not travel as far as the others, but it was ok.
Then out of nowhere a cry, straight from the depths of a wounded soul and as loud as a fire truck screaming through the streets, Donna's mom begins to cry out for her daughter, she cried out for the years of holding in the pain and being strong, she cried out for mercy in her search for her daughter....it hurts and stopped each person in attendance in their tracks, as if a moment in time just became frozen!
I think each person there and even those passing where rocked to their core, some becoming upset themselves and joining this mother in her grief. I went to her, spoke in her ear the entire time I held her, speaking words I knew she needed to hear and words she trusted when coming from me, the trusted words she is familiar with over the years built in our journey together searching for Donna Jou, she finally became calm; but the pain of what this family has and still suffers.... now, raw again and that never goes away for any family who has a missing loved one.
We stayed longer at this stop than we were scheduled to, it was needed. We began to pack up and prepare for leaving to the next stop, this is the part I hate....the families begin to look at you, that gleem of desperation sometimes can be so strong it almost sucks the air right from you, something over time you just get use too, or at least try too....I do not think you ever can really, I think we just maybe condition ourselves to recognize it. Nonetheless that eye to eye connection now has arrived and Donna's father began to fall apart, he is so broken in private moments. In front of the world, he is that tower of strength determined to find his daughter. We could not leave yet because he needed that same embrace and words just as Donna's mother did just a half hour prior, he needed his release just a little more in private, so we gave that to him.
Emotionally wiped out and now driving off into the jungle of traffic ahead it was very had to speak a word, it was very hard to grasp a single thought of anything other than what just had taken place in the last few hours....it was just a hard time. Then someone finally speaks to make a funny comments and the mood changes and we are entering on the highway and gaining ground to the next stop, for me silently my mind is swirling with the agony we just left behind us, I find myself already missing the family of Donna Jou, that feeling stayed with me for several hours that day.
Monica Caison
Immediately we go into action setting up other tour displays and distributing press kits and information. After the press conference and interviews are complete we move to the center flooring of the court house square to release the balloons, a few words from spoken, a very nice heartfelt prayer, we launch the balloons, up and away they go, some did not travel as far as the others, but it was ok.
Then out of nowhere a cry, straight from the depths of a wounded soul and as loud as a fire truck screaming through the streets, Donna's mom begins to cry out for her daughter, she cried out for the years of holding in the pain and being strong, she cried out for mercy in her search for her daughter....it hurts and stopped each person in attendance in their tracks, as if a moment in time just became frozen!
I think each person there and even those passing where rocked to their core, some becoming upset themselves and joining this mother in her grief. I went to her, spoke in her ear the entire time I held her, speaking words I knew she needed to hear and words she trusted when coming from me, the trusted words she is familiar with over the years built in our journey together searching for Donna Jou, she finally became calm; but the pain of what this family has and still suffers.... now, raw again and that never goes away for any family who has a missing loved one.
We stayed longer at this stop than we were scheduled to, it was needed. We began to pack up and prepare for leaving to the next stop, this is the part I hate....the families begin to look at you, that gleem of desperation sometimes can be so strong it almost sucks the air right from you, something over time you just get use too, or at least try too....I do not think you ever can really, I think we just maybe condition ourselves to recognize it. Nonetheless that eye to eye connection now has arrived and Donna's father began to fall apart, he is so broken in private moments. In front of the world, he is that tower of strength determined to find his daughter. We could not leave yet because he needed that same embrace and words just as Donna's mother did just a half hour prior, he needed his release just a little more in private, so we gave that to him.
Emotionally wiped out and now driving off into the jungle of traffic ahead it was very had to speak a word, it was very hard to grasp a single thought of anything other than what just had taken place in the last few hours....it was just a hard time. Then someone finally speaks to make a funny comments and the mood changes and we are entering on the highway and gaining ground to the next stop, for me silently my mind is swirling with the agony we just left behind us, I find myself already missing the family of Donna Jou, that feeling stayed with me for several hours that day.
Monica Caison
Thursday, September 20, 2012
Los Angeles, California
Well, we certainly hit the ground running with our first rally stop this morning. It was held in front of the Criminal Justice Building in downtown LA, a place Donna Jou's parents have visited and protested in front of too many times in the past 5 years. 19 year old college student Donna Jou disappeared in '07. A convicted sexual predator has confessed to being involved in her death and to dumping her body into the ocean. Her family believes that he is responsible for her death and is lying about the location of her remains. Without much evidence and only his version of what occurred he was convicted of just involuntary manslaughter and was released from prison after serving less than half of a 5 year sentence.
I was very pleased with the press turnout, which included not only local reporters but also national coverage including Dateline. The balloons had Donna's picture on one side and her information printed on the other, that's the first time I had seen that. Donna's father began with an emotional speech detailing all his frustrations with the criminal justice system. He said "...Why must we scream at them for justice and why do our screams fall only on deaf ears?" ; "From the day my daughter disappeared, every waking moment plunges me deeper into an ever-expanding downward spiral"; and " As decent human beings who respect humanity and cause no harm to others, we have the right to expect no harm to come to us...".
After he spoke the group moved to the balloon release area and sent them skyward, after Monica spoke and the family's Minister said a prayer. I watched as Donna's mom, Nili, stood excited next to Monica watching the balloons, but as they drifted further and further away she broke down sobbing uncontrollably. It was a sharp contrast from the woman I had encountered an hour earlier.A woman who greeted me with a huge smile, reminding me that we had met at a conference 4 years previously. A woman who had done so much to ensure this rally stop's success. A woman who was trying so hard to hold it all together. A woman who was willing to do anything to bring her missing child home. A woman who is so much like the too many mothers I have encountered over the last 7 years. I woman who reminds me so much of myself.
Elisa
I was very pleased with the press turnout, which included not only local reporters but also national coverage including Dateline. The balloons had Donna's picture on one side and her information printed on the other, that's the first time I had seen that. Donna's father began with an emotional speech detailing all his frustrations with the criminal justice system. He said "...Why must we scream at them for justice and why do our screams fall only on deaf ears?" ; "From the day my daughter disappeared, every waking moment plunges me deeper into an ever-expanding downward spiral"; and " As decent human beings who respect humanity and cause no harm to others, we have the right to expect no harm to come to us...".
After he spoke the group moved to the balloon release area and sent them skyward, after Monica spoke and the family's Minister said a prayer. I watched as Donna's mom, Nili, stood excited next to Monica watching the balloons, but as they drifted further and further away she broke down sobbing uncontrollably. It was a sharp contrast from the woman I had encountered an hour earlier.A woman who greeted me with a huge smile, reminding me that we had met at a conference 4 years previously. A woman who had done so much to ensure this rally stop's success. A woman who was trying so hard to hold it all together. A woman who was willing to do anything to bring her missing child home. A woman who is so much like the too many mothers I have encountered over the last 7 years. I woman who reminds me so much of myself.
Elisa
Wednesday, September 19, 2012
Los Angeles Prep Day
We descended upon Los Angeles yesterday. I arrived first and got in some much appreciated family time. We tried to get on west coast time but were still up extremely early this morning. It was good though, as we got a lot accomplished. So many boxes, so much to organize and get prepared. Running errands in this city is interesting... All everyone here talks about is the traffic, the traffic, the traffic,...we need to pick up the banner at 5:30 but MUST leave by 4. Soon we will make our first attempt at packing up and organizing the van. It usually takes a few rally stops to get in the groove of what needs to come out and where to keep everything but it will all come together, it always does. Tomorrow morning it will be on... And I cannot wait...
Elisa
Elisa
Preparing for the tour...
So many things have to be accomplished in preparation for the national tour, planning, ordering items, printing and about a hundred other details no one could understand unless they have helped in the actual tour; with that said we finally have set out. This year because we wanted to tour the west coast and save time we decided to fly to California, do a lot of the on ground logistics here and set out a couple of days later, this is where we are at now, today! We landed last night, exhausted...we have shipped a ton of items here prior so first on the agenda was to pick up the 15 passenger van, and set up a meeting time to retrieve our shipments. The time change has brought me to awake at 4am, clearly going to sleep to early California time last night; now we have a to early start today, lol. Wish us luck we have a busy time ahead!
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